How To Get Over Your Ex And Enjoy The Single Life

We’ve all been there. We’ve all found ourselves sitting beside an empty pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a mountain of used tissues absolutely sure that you will never feel whole again.

Well I am here to tell you that you are going to be okay. Hell, amazing. I can guarantee you that if you come out of a relationship with the right outlook, you will emerge not only a stronger, more independent person, but also a happier person with a better sense of who you are.

Often times we believe that if we roll up our sleeves and put in some hard work, our relationships can be fixed. This, however, is rarely the case. Break ups happen because a relationship is broken and some things just cannot be fixed.

It’s time to relieve yourself from the insufferable pain of letting the one you loved go. It’s time to relieve yourself from the unrelenting hope that it will work out some day. It’s time to reclaim our independence. Here’s how:

Get your shit back immediately. Don’t drag it out. Find every single gross ass pair of boxers they left in your apartment and give them back. Get back your favorite necklace you left there last time you slept over. Get it all back and do a huge load of laundry.

Don’t jump into a new relationship. I have struggled for this one for years. While it may seem comforting to have a new person to focus all of your attention on, all you are doing is postponing the heartbreak. If you do not give yourself time to cry it out and feel the heavy emotions of your break up, you will never truly move on from your ex. You will hold on to the love and the hate you feel for them forever. You will move backwards instead of forward.

Block their facebook page from your browser. Download the extension blocksite (available on all browsers). There is absolutely no reason for you to waste your time over-analyzing the picture he was tagged in with some girl you’ve never seen before and stalking her, too. You are SO much better than that.

Delete their number. No drunk dials allowed. Not speaking to them sends a signal that you are moving on with your amazing life and no longer need him in it. While you’re at it, delete them from snapchat. I’m sorry but who gives a shit if he got a burrito bowl today and then went out with his friends for beers? Not an independent person moving on with their life, that’s for sure.

Sell any presents they gave you. This one’s my favorite. Honestly, why hold on to old presents that remind you of your ex when you can just use the money you make off of the earrings (that you pretended to like) to buy yourself something you actually like?

Buy new underwear and PJ’s. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a relationship all I sleep in is their clothes. Treat yourself to some cozy PJ shorts to netflix in and lacy bras that they will never have the pleasure of seeing you in.

Purchase Melatonin. If you’re having a hard time sleeping without your ex you’re not alone. This can be one of the hardest things to adjust to. Spend your nights drinking wine and watching movies with your roommates. Then pop a melatonin to help you pass out the second your head hits the pillow.

Stay Busy. Channel all of your energy into something new. Reinvent yourself. Take up running or start a youtube channel. Get a group of friends together and go out for a boozy brunch. The more you spend your time doing things you love and taking care of yourself, the less time you are spending wallowing in your sadness.

Learn. Your boyfriend cheated on you? Do not date a cheater again. Your boyfriend was a binge drinker? Don’t even think about dating one again. The only way to move forward is by learning from your mistakes.

Regardless of where you are in getting over your break up, know that this is a pivotal moment in your life. Ahead of you lies new opportunities, jobs, cities, experiences, music, men, women, etc. You have nothing and no one holding you back anymore. Know that this is a new beginning for you and there are so many amazing things on the horizon.

As always, if you ever need a pep talk or someone to rant to, feel free to shoot me an email at shiran@beautyandbrunch.com. And feel free to comment below and let me know how you survived your break up!

photo credit: cover

Six Reasons Being Single In Your 20’s Isn’t Sad, It’s Necessary

I am a serial monogamist. I hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, relationship to relationship. It drives my friends nuts.

“You always have a guy meanwhile I’ll be single forever” they would joke.

But I have to confess, I envied them.

I envied their freedom. I envied their independence. I envied their ability to go to sleep every night sprawled out like a starfish. But I was terrified.

My parents broken marriage made me cling to companionship. I was terrified of what it meant to be single. Would I go overboard and give it out to any guy who tried? Would I be lonely? Who would I text? Who would I make dinner with? Who would I binge watch Family Guy with?

This past spring when my boyfriend and I broke up, I decided to step out of my comfort zone. Embrace my inner Queen Bey and become one of the strong, single women that I always envied. I learned to love and care for myself as much as I wanted someone else to. I firmly believe that everyone needs to go through this phase in their 20’s before they are ready to settle down. Here’s why:

1. You aren’t tied down. You are fully capable of moving to San Fransisco tomorrow and pursuing your dream job. You can take a year off and backpack across Europe. You have nothing and no one holding you back from living your best life. Take advantage of it.

2. You have more time for friends. No man means more time for mimosas and brunch on Sunday and wine nights on Wednesday. The friendships you build in your 20’s are the ones that last a lifetime. Spend time with your future bridesmaids instead of aimlessly searching for your future husband. Plus most of them will be single too so you wont have to worry about being “the single one.”

3. You get to spend time finding yourself instead of finding out why your boyfriend is mad at you. Men are jealous and emotional. When you are single, no one will get mad at you when another guy buys you a drink. No one will get mad at you for having guy friends. No one will get mad at you for flirting with the gorgeous guy you meet at happy hour. You have complete freedom. There are so many fish in the sea.

4. You save money. No more spending paychecks from your underpaying job on birthday presents, Christmas presents, valentines day, expensive dinners, dates, etc. Save the $7 you’d spend on chocolates and a card for valentines day and get this avocado bath bomb from LUSH for a well-deserved spa night instead.

5. You get healthier. Lets be honest guys are pigs. Their idea eating healthy is ordering a chicken club sandwich instead of a double quarter pounder at Mcdonalds. When you are constantly surrounded by men, you become more inclined to make that late night Taco Bell run when you’re stoned or ditch the gym to go to Wawa in honor of hoagiefest. Plus, when you’re single you have so much more time to go for a jog around a lake or actually go to a class at that yoga studio you pass every day on the way to work.

6. You can do whatever the hell you want. Your 20’s are the only time in your life when you can get away with blacking out on a Tuesday night dancing on tables with your girlfriends and then walk of shameing home in your romper from the night before. Make memories. Make mistakes. Own it. Learn. 

Don’t get me wrong – relationships can be amazing and fulfilling in your 20’s. But don’t waste your time seeking out a boyfriend when there are so many reasons to enjoy being single during your peak years. Don’t waste your time with dumb guys who make you cry.

Learn to put yourself first. Don’t settle ever. You deserve the world.

photo credit: cover