How To Get Over Your Ex And Enjoy The Single Life

We’ve all been there. We’ve all found ourselves sitting beside an empty pint of Ben & Jerry’s and a mountain of used tissues absolutely sure that you will never feel whole again.

Well I am here to tell you that you are going to be okay. Hell, amazing. I can guarantee you that if you come out of a relationship with the right outlook, you will emerge not only a stronger, more independent person, but also a happier person with a better sense of who you are.

Often times we believe that if we roll up our sleeves and put in some hard work, our relationships can be fixed. This, however, is rarely the case. Break ups happen because a relationship is broken and some things just cannot be fixed.

It’s time to relieve yourself from the insufferable pain of letting the one you loved go. It’s time to relieve yourself from the unrelenting hope that it will work out some day. It’s time to reclaim our independence. Here’s how:

Get your shit back immediately. Don’t drag it out. Find every single gross ass pair of boxers they left in your apartment and give them back. Get back your favorite necklace you left there last time you slept over. Get it all back and do a huge load of laundry.

Don’t jump into a new relationship. I have struggled for this one for years. While it may seem comforting to have a new person to focus all of your attention on, all you are doing is postponing the heartbreak. If you do not give yourself time to cry it out and feel the heavy emotions of your break up, you will never truly move on from your ex. You will hold on to the love and the hate you feel for them forever. You will move backwards instead of forward.

Block their facebook page from your browser. Download the extension blocksite (available on all browsers). There is absolutely no reason for you to waste your time over-analyzing the picture he was tagged in with some girl you’ve never seen before and stalking her, too. You are SO much better than that.

Delete their number. No drunk dials allowed. Not speaking to them sends a signal that you are moving on with your amazing life and no longer need him in it. While you’re at it, delete them from snapchat. I’m sorry but who gives a shit if he got a burrito bowl today and then went out with his friends for beers? Not an independent person moving on with their life, that’s for sure.

Sell any presents they gave you. This one’s my favorite. Honestly, why hold on to old presents that remind you of your ex when you can just use the money you make off of the earrings (that you pretended to like) to buy yourself something you actually like?

Buy new underwear and PJ’s. I don’t know about you, but when I’m in a relationship all I sleep in is their clothes. Treat yourself to some cozy PJ shorts to netflix in and lacy bras that they will never have the pleasure of seeing you in.

Purchase Melatonin. If you’re having a hard time sleeping without your ex you’re not alone. This can be one of the hardest things to adjust to. Spend your nights drinking wine and watching movies with your roommates. Then pop a melatonin to help you pass out the second your head hits the pillow.

Stay Busy. Channel all of your energy into something new. Reinvent yourself. Take up running or start a youtube channel. Get a group of friends together and go out for a boozy brunch. The more you spend your time doing things you love and taking care of yourself, the less time you are spending wallowing in your sadness.

Learn. Your boyfriend cheated on you? Do not date a cheater again. Your boyfriend was a binge drinker? Don’t even think about dating one again. The only way to move forward is by learning from your mistakes.

Regardless of where you are in getting over your break up, know that this is a pivotal moment in your life. Ahead of you lies new opportunities, jobs, cities, experiences, music, men, women, etc. You have nothing and no one holding you back anymore. Know that this is a new beginning for you and there are so many amazing things on the horizon.

As always, if you ever need a pep talk or someone to rant to, feel free to shoot me an email at shiran@beautyandbrunch.com. And feel free to comment below and let me know how you survived your break up!

photo credit: cover

Eight Things Every 20 Something Needs to be Reminded of Every Once In a While

  1. Acceptance of yourself is more important than acceptance from others
  2. Getting no message is also a message
  3. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don’t belong
  4. Be known as someone who is full of love and radiates light
  5. You probably have someone else’s goal physique; be nice to your body
  6. Dont say maybe if you want to say no
  7. Be with someone who makes your mondays feel like fridays
  8. Try to love yourself as much as you want someone else to

photo credit: cover

Six Reasons Being Single In Your 20’s Isn’t Sad, It’s Necessary

I am a serial monogamist. I hop from boyfriend to boyfriend, relationship to relationship. It drives my friends nuts.

“You always have a guy meanwhile I’ll be single forever” they would joke.

But I have to confess, I envied them.

I envied their freedom. I envied their independence. I envied their ability to go to sleep every night sprawled out like a starfish. But I was terrified.

My parents broken marriage made me cling to companionship. I was terrified of what it meant to be single. Would I go overboard and give it out to any guy who tried? Would I be lonely? Who would I text? Who would I make dinner with? Who would I binge watch Family Guy with?

This past spring when my boyfriend and I broke up, I decided to step out of my comfort zone. Embrace my inner Queen Bey and become one of the strong, single women that I always envied. I learned to love and care for myself as much as I wanted someone else to. I firmly believe that everyone needs to go through this phase in their 20’s before they are ready to settle down. Here’s why:

1. You aren’t tied down. You are fully capable of moving to San Fransisco tomorrow and pursuing your dream job. You can take a year off and backpack across Europe. You have nothing and no one holding you back from living your best life. Take advantage of it.

2. You have more time for friends. No man means more time for mimosas and brunch on Sunday and wine nights on Wednesday. The friendships you build in your 20’s are the ones that last a lifetime. Spend time with your future bridesmaids instead of aimlessly searching for your future husband. Plus most of them will be single too so you wont have to worry about being “the single one.”

3. You get to spend time finding yourself instead of finding out why your boyfriend is mad at you. Men are jealous and emotional. When you are single, no one will get mad at you when another guy buys you a drink. No one will get mad at you for having guy friends. No one will get mad at you for flirting with the gorgeous guy you meet at happy hour. You have complete freedom. There are so many fish in the sea.

4. You save money. No more spending paychecks from your underpaying job on birthday presents, Christmas presents, valentines day, expensive dinners, dates, etc. Save the $7 you’d spend on chocolates and a card for valentines day and get this avocado bath bomb from LUSH for a well-deserved spa night instead.

5. You get healthier. Lets be honest guys are pigs. Their idea eating healthy is ordering a chicken club sandwich instead of a double quarter pounder at Mcdonalds. When you are constantly surrounded by men, you become more inclined to make that late night Taco Bell run when you’re stoned or ditch the gym to go to Wawa in honor of hoagiefest. Plus, when you’re single you have so much more time to go for a jog around a lake or actually go to a class at that yoga studio you pass every day on the way to work.

6. You can do whatever the hell you want. Your 20’s are the only time in your life when you can get away with blacking out on a Tuesday night dancing on tables with your girlfriends and then walk of shameing home in your romper from the night before. Make memories. Make mistakes. Own it. Learn. 

Don’t get me wrong – relationships can be amazing and fulfilling in your 20’s. But don’t waste your time seeking out a boyfriend when there are so many reasons to enjoy being single during your peak years. Don’t waste your time with dumb guys who make you cry.

Learn to put yourself first. Don’t settle ever. You deserve the world.

photo credit: cover

6 Morning Habits of Happy and Confident 20 Somethings

Life is freaking nuts. Between work and school, we are somehow expected to stay healthy, make time for friends, keep in touch with family, and maintain a (somewhat) clean and organized living space. In the process we are losing ourselves. We are losing our sense of who we are and where we stand in the world.

I have always been the girl who sleeps in past noon, has millions of excuses on hand for getting out of work, and who, at the end of the day, was extremely unhappy and self conscious. After my boyfriend and I broke up this past spring, I realized I had no idea who I was outside of being a girlfriend, a friend, a sister, a daughter. I got lost in the routine of my mundane life. So I decided to use my newfound freedom as an opportunity to reinvent myself.

I began taking myself on dates to my favorite coffeeshop in Adams Morgan where I took up writing while the thick aroma of coffee and croissants enveloped my every inhale. I would visit my favorite bookstore outside of Friendship Heights and read books about art and history. I rediscovered who I was outside from my relationship to other people and gained a sense of direction for the future.

I am a firm believer that if you start your day right you can live a decluttered and mindful life, while also making time for happy hour with your work friends on Friday and brunch with your girls on Sunday. Here’s how:

1. Wake up early (ish)

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Morning people run the world. Don’t believe me? Study after study confirm that waking up early is highly correlated with proactiveness, productivity, and positivity. Bonus, the extra time in the morning will give you the opportunity to set some goals for the day.

You don’t need to start by waking up at 4:30 am to go for a jog in the dark. Start slowly by waking up 15 minutes earlier than you normally would and then cut back another 15 minutes in a few days once you are used to that.


2. Get your shit together and meditate

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Think meditating is hard? Most of us already meditate without realizing it. The last time you spent an extra five minutes in the shower because it felt too good to get out? Meditating. The time you laid out tanning by yourself doing absolutely nothing but absorbing vitamin D? Meditating.

The western world has become enamoured with eastern practices, and for good reason. Studies have proven that meditation promotes happiness, and helps control anxiety and depression.

Start by setting a timer and making yourself sit for two minutes every day. Leave behind judgement and any inclination you have to overthink your practice. With time commit to 10 minutes, then 20. As you make meditation a part of your daily routine, you will learn to control your thoughts and emotions and gain perspective on the world outside of your day-to-day obligations.


3. Affirm your insecurities

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I remember walking down the hair dye aisles of the drugstore as a little girl wishing I could dye my brown hair blonde and that there was some way I could make my tan skin lighter. Just two years ago, I vividly remember trying on my brand new Victoria’s Secret bathing suit (which I emptied my bank account to afford for spring break) and immediately bursting into tears upon looking at my body in the mirror.

I have come a long way since then and I owe it to affirmations. When you start each day by saying out loud. “I am confident,” “today will be amazing,” “I am happy,” you over time start to believe it and embody those mantras in the way you carry yourself and your outlook on life.

When I first started I had no idea where to begin and felt ridiculous speaking to myself. I began by listening to recordings while I put on makeup or while driving to work. My favorite ones are by Louise Hay, who is known as one of the founders of the modern self-help movement (I recommend “101 Power Thoughts”).

From there, you can tailor the affirmations to what is going on in your life at the moment. When I was feeling self conscious I would say things like “I love myself and my body,” and when I was going through a breakup (you’re talking to a serial monogamist) I would say things like “I am no longer tied down and can do whatever I want” or “I am happier without him” and believe it or not, I actually started to believe it.


4. Make yourself a power breakfast

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Treat yourself to some instagram-worthy breakfasts. A protein-packed breakfast will help curb your appetite for the rest of the day and make you feel energized and satisfied. Get inspired and try out acai bowls, over easy eggs with avocado toast, green smoothies, chia pudding, or smoothie bowls. Or if you’re feeling fancy, try out these low calorie quinoa pancakes (I can testify to their yumminess). No one wants to go to work hangry.


5. Read the news

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Smart is sexy. Not only will reading the news enhance your vocabulary and comprehension over time, but doing so will also help you form opinions on contentious issues from gun violence to global poverty.

If you get bored reading CNN,  there are so many engaging news sources that cover every issue from public health to rape culture on college campuses. Vox has an amazing youtube channel that breaks down complex issues you never understood in a three to five minute video. Subscribe to theSkimm for a quick and dirty break down of the week’s major headlines so you’re well equipped to make small talk with your hard to please boss.


6. Exercise

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Ugh – trust me I know. I am no athlete. If you see me running, you might as well run too because there is probably something bad coming. But whether you spend 10 minutes doing sun salutations or spend $30+ on a SoulCycle class (guilty) starting your day moving your body will not only jumpstart your metabolism and fill your body with endorphins, but also make you feel productive and at least create the illusion that you have your life together.

If you’re really struggling, start by simply committing to put your yoga mat out or putting on your running shoes when you wake up every day. You are much more likely to follow through if you have already taken the first steps.


At the end of the day (or the beginning!) happiness is a choice. Many of us spend our days assuming we will be happier if our circumstances change, but a growing body of research in positive psychology exhibit that happiness is a choice that any of us can make. This is it. This is your life. Why not start living your best life today?

 

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